+5 STAR+

Nov 12, 2020

Day 4 of 100 Days to Offload

Content Warning: Topic is mental health

One of my favourite K-pop artists recently came out with a song, +5 STAR+. It’s definitely a feel good bop. It’s a cute song that’s easy to sing along to. I added it to my “body reacts” playlists, the playlist with songs that usually guarantee me singing along to it. Then I realized that despite the singability of the songs on the playlist, not a lot of the songs have positive vibes.

Lately I haven’t been someone who likes to drown in positivity but sometimes you just need it. This morning my cat woke me up extremely early and it set the tone of the rest of my day. I was grumpy for the rest of the day. While taking a break from work, I stumbled upon some toots on Mastodon that made my stomach sink and try to drag my throat along with it.

Feeling overwhelmed, I walked over to pet my cat. He was annoyed that I woke him up from his nap (I know the feeling, buddy) but he licked my hand anyway as I stroked his head with my other hand. Even though I calmed down, I was still feeling hopeless. There’s a technique in CBT called thought restructuring. Sometimes thoughts can feel like an absolute but that’s rarely the case. I brought up examples of people doing their best and tried to reframe my position in the world. That combined with a quick cry session calmed me further.

When I walked back to my desk, working with the sound of silence threatened to drudge up the anxiety again. I needed to play music. I put on +5 STAR+. Then I curated a playlist filled with feel good music. Too much of my music is dark and depressing. I don’t think I’m ignoring reality by focusing on the things that are good. I think by focusing only the things that are bad is ignoring reality. Can’t have one without the other. It doesn’t hurt to look at both of them. It does hurt to dwell.