Conversations Over Text Messages

May 2, 2014

Long weird sappy feelings. So much sap and cheese and this sounded better in my head because I kinda read it in a certain way. Man, I just don’t know. Also, for the love of gulay, the end of a line does not mean “pause.” Punctuation means “pause.” Yes, you’re supposed to run out of breath (I’m kinda slightly asthmatic though, so).

i’m sorry,

but i won’t ever text you again

and i hope you never text me again either.

usually i love communication that doesn’t involve me

actually speaking but with you, it’s different.

there’s a disconnect.

a disconnect between you and your words, your words

that appear in the form of pixels

and not in the form of your voice

it just doesn’t feel like you.

it feels strange and foreign

it’s like a translator sucked away your personality

and in their place put in words that barely make sense

even though when i’m speaking to you

your accent is thick and heavy and

your words still don’t really

make sense to me but at least it’s you.

and one of my favourite things about you

is the way you talk.

you talk with your face.

your lips mischievously curl upwards and

they push out at certain syllables and

in moments of confusion your brows furrow and

your lips purse and

when you’re not talking, you look at me so intently

and so full of purpose like

“i’m listening to you and by god i will listen to you.”

even though i’m sure you’re just

being polite and don’t actually think that but i guess

you’re just that convincing.

and it’s weird because my anxiety is worse

when i’m texting you, even when just

the thought of talking to people face to face

shakes me so bad to the point where i feel like

i don’t want to live anymore, or

i don’t deserve to live anymore, or

i don’t even have the ability to live normally anymore.

and even though i feel that way before talking to you,

it disappears as soon as i say “hi”

and with others it lasts until they’re out of the room

and i’m in at bed at night where i pick

apart my words and use them to pick apart my mind

and i wish i knew why.

but i guess the point is,

i’m sorry.

but let’s never text again.

Category: Love Writing