Oct 9, 2018

A couple of weeks (months?) ago, I fainted. I know it’s really not a big deal to faint but it never happened to me before. It was just a really bad case of vertigo, I think. I was sitting down and I stood up too fast. I walked a couple steps forward and a pain shot up my leg. I get cramps a lot so it’s no big deal for me. I tried to wait it out but this time the pain felt different. Not like my usual cramps. My cramps usually just stop at the top of my calf but this time it felt like the pain spread up my entire leg and into my side.

Now, when it comes to health, I always assume the worst. I take birth control which slightly increases my chances of blood clots. I also have relatives who have had aneurisms before so there’s a family history. The past year, I’ve been on the plane like five times and everyone knows deep vein thrombosis is a thing. And I’ve read Two Kisses for Maddy where a new first time mom suffers from a pulmonary embolism and then dies. Her last words were, “I feel light headed.”

SO. With that context. I genuinely thought I was going to die. My vision went pixelly, literally. It was like someone put a filter over my eyes and everything was behind a transparent grid. I called out for my brother and he rushed to me. He was talking but I couldn’t hear anything/ The room started to spin and then I blacked out.

When I came to, I started crying. It was scary. I went to see a doctor and he confirmed it was probably just vertigo. Or a panic attack. He really tried to press hard if I was stressed the past couple of days. I downplayed it but really, I was (I was going through a lot of interviews at the time, it was draining). So maybe a mix of vertigo and stress?

The reason I bring this up is because on the train, a girl fainted. When she came to, her first instinct was to say, “I’m sorry” and the started to cry.

And so I was reminded of my one and only fainting spell. Also I stood up too fast today and I was like “oh no not again.” I was okay though.

I probably need to go see a doctor though because my legs are tingling and cramping up a whole lot more than usual lately. Maybe I’m just sitting down way too much. I don’t know. I’m more aware of my body these days. Sometimes I feel like I’m out of my body. Not really feeling like I’m in it. But I only have one body and I should probably take care of it.

Category: Life