Jul 24, 2018
I was scrolling through Tumblr when I saw that one of my friends had posted a comic strip from a Chinese comic that I used to follow. It’s called Tamen De Gushi or in English, Their Story. The comic follows two girls, Sun Jing and Qiu who fall in love and start dating. Overall, the comic is very sweet, uplifting, and wholesome. It features small daily interactions like offering each other an umbrella, eating spicy noodles, doing homework together, etc. My friend added a comment to this comic strip: “I want to be in love.”
While I did chuckle and initially was like, “Yes, same!” the more I thought about it, the more I realized I don’t like that thinking.
You hear about being in love with idea of being in love all the time. Just a couple of weeks ago one of my friends said, “I just want to cuddle with someone.” I recently posted something on Tumblr about wanting to hold hands with someone. In Mitski’s latest single (which I am obsessed with right now), Nobody, she sings that she “just need(s) someone to kiss.” It’s everywhere.
I don’t want to fall in love just for the sake of falling in love. I used to joke, “I could fall in love with anyone.” But I think I could, and should, do better than that.
A couple of days ago, one of my friends was badgering me about my relationships. “What’s the status with you and X? Have you hung out with Y lately? Are you still single? Voluntarily or because of circumstances?”
It was at that moment that I made a decision. I turned to him and said, “I’m just going to be single for a bit and stop looking.”
He nodded sagely. “It took three years for one of my friends in England to come to that conclusion.”
So yeah. That’s my current situation. I’m not looking for love. I don’t want to idealize it. Additionally, I’ll try not to push it away if it somehow comes my way.