Nov 7, 2013
Moments like these, I question my desire to go to graduate school. I have a paper to write by Friday. I was told to basically start over and I’m stuck. It’s on a novel and we’re supposed to pull out symbols for it and I’m just drawing a blank. My prof started connecting some of them and I tried to follow suit but they’re too far fetched. I’m really frustrated and I don’t know what to do! The thought of this paper is really freaking me out because I want to do good but I’m not sure if I can. This is one thing I don’t miss about high school: essays. I know computer science doesn’t lack essays by any means but that’s not the focus. Ugh, I just cannot write for the life of me!
When I was younger, I even wanted to be an author. I wanted to write and illustrate my own books. However, I could never finish anything I started. Also, I quickly began to realize that I do not have the talent to be an author. A lot of people say that writing a skill but a great author has talent that can never replace skill. You just can’t learn how to bend and twist words into a sentence that takes people’s breath away. You can try to copy but it just won’t create the same effect. Some people just know how language works.
Another thing that great author’s have is knowledge. They understand humanity and know how to tap into our very essence. They see the inner workings of our heart down to the very last blood vessel. Not only do they know the individual well, they also know society. They can critique it and suggest clever ways to remedy even the smallest of society’s flaws. Don’t even get me started about how well great authors do relationships. They know. They know everything about it.
I wish I was one of those people. I’ve met people (okay, one person) who match my description perfectly. I’ve given up on writing a long time ago but I didn’t really start in the first place. This person has such a beautiful way with words that my jealousy is minuscule in comparison of the awe I feel when I’m in this person’s presence. It’s like knowing that you are standing at the foot of a genius. Is this what people thought when they were in the presence of both Mayakovsky and Bulgakov at the same time?
Back to my original point, I really do think that someone either has it, or they don’t. They’re either born with it or were instilled with it at a very young age. Unfortunately, neither happened to me. At my age, it’s too late to understand how to create masterpieces. A small part of me is hopeful, though. I wish writing was a skill that I could hone and one day, I’ll know everything that makes a human, human.
On another note, I keep forgetting to do these blog posts until the very last minute. As I’m writing this, it’s nearly 11:30. I started writing at around 10:50. I think I mentioned this yesterday but it’s getting harder and harder to think of new content to write about. Most of the things I want to write include pictures. Pictures are too time consuming and don’t fit into my schedule right now. I don’t even know if I’m hitting my 500 daily word count goal because the app does not keep track of it. It would be cool if the WordPress app did more with it. I’d like to see a focus on the admin. I love the posting features but I’d like to see more editing themes, adding plugins, changing settings, etc.