I'm Not Dieting

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Day 10 of #100DaysToOffload

Disclaimer: Discusses body image and dieting.

I no longer like the word "diet." There is an expectation that one day, the diet will end. It implies that the main goal is to lose weight. Since the diet is temporary, once you reach your goal weight, there are no concrete plans to stay at that weight. Many a time have I dieted to just give up and go back to my original weight. There is also a lot of pressure behind the word that I can't quite put my finger on. It's just a very loaded work that I no longer like.

I much prefer the phrase, "I am building healthy eating habits." The goal is to be healthy and not to just lose weight. Healthy is flexible and can mean different things to each person. Habits are also supposed to be long lasting and sustainable. It's something that changes your lifestyle and even your identity.

This came into my mind this morning as I weighed myself on the scale. My scale is right in front of my full length mirror (because I have no other place to put it) so I could not help but catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm currently at the highest weight I've ever been (30lbs over my goal weight) and when I looked in the mirror, I was surprised that I did not hate what I saw. It's true, I am much more pudgier than I am used to seeing. I'm doughy in places that maybe a year ago or two ago would have caused dread and an intense self hatred. Dare I say it without sounding a little vain, I still felt I looked pretty despite the weight gain.

That's not to say I don't want to lose weight. Yes, I want to lose weight. I still love my body at this weight but most loving and kind thing I could do for myself is to be healthy. That includes losing weight but it is not the only thing. It's keeping my body in good shape for the future so I can do the things I want to.